I thought I'd start this topic for two reasons:

- yesterday I caught Xanadu on TV and (as well as thinking 'man, Olivia Newton-John looks and sounds just like Melusina, if the latter had flicky hair and horrendous clothes') discovered it to be really AWFUL - but so much fun. What films do you find irresistably watchable although you know they're really stinky? Is anything more fun than watching Glitter drunk out of your mind?

- an acquaintance and I have been playing an e-mail game to come up with the WORST idea/pitch/description of a movie you really, really wouldn't want to see. For instance, his rather brilliant entry was:

Hee! Anyone do better?

I absolutely hate "You've Got Mail" more than any other movie I have ever seen. He's a lying asshole, cheating on his girlfriend and he puts the incredibly spineless heroine out of a business that her family has held for decades? Oh, yeah, that's romantic. But it's okay because now she has time to develop that writing career that she never expressed any interest in during the entire preceding two hours. I saw "The Shop Around the Corner." You, sir, are no "Shop Around the Corner." Stupid, sappy piece of crap.

I can usually find some entertainment value in almost any movie, but City of Angels almost had me walking out of the theater. What an awful, goopy, nonsensical piece of wombat dung. I know it's based on a classic, but as movies go, City of Angels is about as bad as anything I can think of. Yecch. I feel unclean just thinking about it. It doesn't even deserve movie italics.

As for awful movies that I secretly really enjoy, there are tons. I love the bizarre subtext of Class, even though that movie is stupid in ways stupid never knew existed. I adore Nightbreed and Con-Air. I think the original Buffy movie is campy good fun. I have a bizarre soft spot for any of Virginia Madsen's countless B-movies. I love Space Camp.

I must admit, though. I've never seen Glitter.

"Based on a classic" is just shorthand for "this is a terrible re-make, we green-lighted it just so we could cash in on someone else's hard work."

(Green-lighted? Green-lit?)

Guilty Pleasure Movies?

PCU, The Cutting Edge, Paradise (yes, the Don Johnson one- don't look at me like that), Buffy, Fire with Fire, Just One of the Guys, and Pretty in Pink. I'd add Ladyhawke except I didn't think it was that bad.

As for movies that made me wish for that time back... Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold, RoboCop 2, Evolution (damn you, Duchovny, damn you to hell!), Howard the Duck (and I say that not having seen all of it), Far and Away.

Oh, I totally missed the Bad Movies We Love aspect of this thread. I think that would describe most of my video library. But I'd have to put "Can't Hardly Wait" pretty high up on the list. Lauren Ambrose deflowering Seth Green in his funniest role, Ethan Embry managing to look scary and charming at the same time, Barry Manilow. How could it be bad?

I actually liked City of Angels. Until the dopey ending, that is.

I'm having a hard time thinking of movies I love to hate. I can't understand the weird urges that propel my friends to rush out to see Glitter and Crossroads. If I hate a movie, I pretty much hate it. Worst movie I ever saw: Red Dawn. Worst movie I paid to see -- and which falls into ananda's category of not deserving the name "movie": Joe vs. The Volcano.

And, see, I lurve Joe vs. the Volcano. Like, to a degree even I find bizarre.

Bachelor Party, though. That's some bad movie right there. And how much do I love it? sigh. I miss Tom Hanks. The whole fight scene in the theater thing...you know, I'm not so much for the Love to Hate thing. There are just some really bad movies that I honestly enjoy.

Well, that's another matter. For instance, the whole world but me seems to think Pearl Harbor is a bad movie, but damn did I enjoy it.

Maybe my favorite guilty pleasure movie is Satisfaction, starring Justine Bateman with Liam Neeson and Julia Roberts around for the beginnings of their careers. Pure, dreadful loveliness, this movie really has it all: Justine plays the leader of a girl band (with a boy keyboardist, I think) that gets a gig playing at a bar in a beach town for a summer. Justine meets Liam, a music has-been who encourages her artistic yearnings as he urges her not to fall in love with him. One of the girls is a druggie, one is fleeing her local boyfriend and they may also be in trouble with a neighborhood gang- I can't remember for sure.

Al

I'm with eej. I can't think of a single movie that I love to hate. There are movies that I'm embaressed to love but that's a different thing 'cause I still love them. And then there are movies that I hate. If I know that I'm going to hate it I won't see it, hence I've never seen Pearl Harbour or Forest Gump. Movies that I hate - again I'm with eej Red Dawn and Joe vs The Volcano are truly, truly bad but they both got beaten recently and I have a new most hated movie - A.I. My hate for it has been grows everytime I think about it. Soon it will be all consuming.

Pearl Harbor, I almost walked out on that movie. The best bit was the bombing, and that was excellent, but you had to sit through an hour and a half of rubbish before it and an hour of rubbish after it. I can't stand that movie. Yuk!

Pearl Harbour. Thank goodness the release of that movie coincided with me having surgery and not being able to walk for 8 weeks. At least that meant that I didn't spend $13 on a theatre ticket. It was truly awful - not to mention absolutely insulting to anyone who knows that WWII actually started over two years before Pearl Harbour. Schmaltzy, Hollwood Pap. Wanna see a real movie about Pearl Harbour? Tora! Tora! Tora!

Pearl Harbour is the only movie I've actually walked out of. It was bad on so many levels.

Agreed on You've Got Mail and couldn't even bring myself to see City Of Angels since I love the original so much. Hmm, is a bad movie even worse if it's based on a great movie? More bad sequels to not bad originals: Gone With The Wind's Scarlett, Highlander 2.

I think the only films I've ever hated so much I wanted to walk out of the cinema were Accion Mutante*, a Spanish thing which was (I think) about some disabled terrorists in space; A Town Without Pity, which was some kind of French slacker movie; then a terrible trio of sci fi stupidity: Batman & Robin, The Avengers and Tank Girl, for obvious reasons. I never have actually made it to the door though - I seem to think it's my duty to stay so I can properly rant later.

But I'm generally quite good at picking what movies I'll like - I thought I'd like all the above or I wouldn't have paid to see them. Recently I sat through Murder By Numbers, knowing I'd hate it, but it had its Gosling-like compensations.

Like Xanadu, Barry Manilow's Copacabana (with Clark Kent's mum!) is a baaaad musical that's fun. See also Grease 2 with Michelle Pfeiffer.

*I just doublechecked the plot on imdb, which says:

Ah yes, the planet of the crazy miners where no woman lives, how could I forget. That actually makes it sound much, much more coherent than I remember it.

Aside from critic screenings (where walkouts are a side effect of the dazzling Russion Roulette in film form you're exposed to in critic screenings), I've only walked out on one move: Bar Fly. Bleak, endless, pointless. Oh, and I desperately wanted to walk out of Kyaanisqatsi (spelling... dear lord), but it was shown during a class and I was trapped in it. So I settled for asking the gods to take me right then.

The Tailor of Panama has got to be one of the worst things I have ever seen. I still don't know if it was a comedy or a drama - personally, I just thought it was tragic. Geoffrey Rush should delete it from his resume.

Okay there was a movie on HBO last night that made me think of this topic. I don't know the name of it since I came into about 20 minutes late. However, it starred Burt Reynolds (first clue) and was about these two 13 year old kids who decide to rob a bank and it gets foiled (surprise, surprise) and they end up in a hostage stand-off with Burt Reynolds as the FBI negotiator. Seriously. It would have actually been one of those movies that are so bad they're good but it was just trying so hard to be profound and make a statement about how disconnected the youth of America is due to a steady diet of television and video game violence and lack of proper parental supervision. I mean, it even had Kurt Loder in it, interviewing the kid for MTV and he got to make such wise beyond his years statements like in answer to Kurt Loder's question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" he answers "I don't know, bigger." Sheesh. And the 13-year old girl gets her period right in the middle of the hostage crisis and has to ask one of the female hostages for a little guidance in the ways of becoming a woman. Burt Reynolds was one of the worst hostage negotiators. Ever. He kept screaming at the kid. Yelling at him to shut up or refusing to give into his demands. I mean, not that I've taken anyone hostage lately, but I thought one of the main duties of a hostage negotiator was to keep the criminal calm and to keep him/her talking.

Seriously, if the kid hadn't been so annoying and the writing so pseudo-ironic/hip/profound, it would be a kick ass movie to watch with your friends and snark on.

mjforty, your movie was called Pups.

I love IMDB.

Thanks, VP. Well, whatever its title, it's an awful movie. Don't watch it.

The main movie I love and am ashamed of is "Bring It On". My love for it is unhealthy. I've also seen "Crossroads" three times, and there's a good explanation for that, honest!

Films I just hate - "Legends Of The Fall", "The Talented Mr Ripely", "Random Hearts". Six hours of my life I want back again.

Oh I love "Maniac Cop 2" as well, its hilarious.

The only movie I ever truly wanted to walk out of (but couldn't, which is the only reason I didn't) is Dark City. It's truly, TRULY atrocious. And it's got Richard O'Brien in it, which is what got me in there in the first place. Gah!

Aberdeen: I too love Satisfaction, but then it's also got Scott Coffey, whom I LOVE.


*gasp*

UW, you did NOT just say that you're embarrassed to love BiO? I'm in shock here. SHOCK.

If I were to go to hell, (which apparently is a sure thing, now) they'd be playing Gone With The Wind, or Dances With Wolves.

Cannot. Stay. Awake.

Aw, Bring It On is super (it's neat! The kids are quite a treat!) and I rather liked Dark City. It was quite effectively scary and confusing, I thought.

Still, each to their own. We can all unite in hating Kevin Costner movies I daresay.

I like Dark City too. And Dances with Wolves, for that matter, although not enough to ever watch it again. I could see a Gone With the Wind/Titanic double feature being quite popular in hell, though. (And yes, I know Titanic had good bits. I don't care. Everything that wasn't Victor Garber can bite me.)

Ooh, another terrible movie that I love is Supergirl. I had the novelization and loved that as well. Granted, I was 10, but I bet I'd still like it now.

And then there's the "good" movies that are actually really annoying. My most recent experience of the "whatever" variety was Billy Elliot. Bleh. Kid likes to dance. I get it already.

See, not every Kevin Costner film is bad. *ducks*. Guilty pleasure of those? Prince of Thieves. Which if you've ever heard me rant about the inaccuracies of said film., is rather embarassing to admit. I would like to say for the record though, that I'm watching more for Christian Slater than Kevin.

ANother guilty pleasure has to be Gone with the Wind.

Titanic? Victor Garber is cool, I'm all about the miniscule Ioan sightings though. *sigh*.

How can Gone With The Wind be a guilty pleasure? I worship the book, so to me the movie is just a faithful rendition of part of what's on the page... but still, it's one of the classic films of all time.

And I loved Titanic the first time around. The second outing was ill-advised... suddenly saw the flaws in the dialogue, and boy is a four-hour downer which ends with Leonardo DiCaprio as a popsicle not the movie you want to see at the start of a night out with friends.

Gone with the Wind is one of those I watch curled up on the sofa, preferably under a blanket or quilt, with a series of hot drinks. I always end up crying for the last half hour though, so it's a ritual for a weekend when I know I'm not going out.

Actually, I've read the book too and the same ritual applies.

Titanic - I really wasn't that bothered with the 'DiCaprio as popsicle bit', it was all the others dying that upset me - the Mother telling her kids a fairy tale, the elderly couple just hugging on the bed. But then, I never appreciated the appeal of Leonardo DiCaprio, as I thought Billy Zane was much better looking there. Plus y'know Ioan to the rescue at the end.

I've just thought of another 'guilty pleasure' - The Phantom (as in the bloke in purple), with Billy Zane. Complete cheese, but amusing. Plus it has pre-mega fame Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Billy Zane is a whole guilty pleasure all in himself. (He can act though, as I found in The Believer).

he has to have hair though. I really don't like the whole 'shaved head' look he had. *shudder*

Orlando. Billy Zane. Mmm...

Eh?

I said,

Orlando. Billy Zane. Mmm...

Ahhh. Not seen it. Thought you were talking about Orlando Bloom. (mmm) I got confused (not that it's difficult to confuse me).

Billy Zane looking mighty appealing there.

I almost forgot about one of my favorite crappy movies: Centerstage. I actually bought the special edition DVD. I watch it all the time, in spite of the fact that 90% of the cast cannot act, the storyline is trite and the final ballet is the most preposterous thing ever.

I also loved Dark City. How can you not love something that influenced so much of the look of "Hush?"

Last night, my houseguest and I ended up watching the TV premiere of Swept Away. Now, it went straight to video here after getting trashed in America, so basically no one saw it. And all those awful reviews, which made it seem like the worst thing ever committed to celluloid?

They are nowhere NEAR the utter horror of this film. I mean ... I can't even describe it. Madonna being made to call this macho fisherman guy 'Master' and kiss his feet, the attempted rape which halfway 'convinces' her to change her mind and then suddenly she's madly in love with him, the terrible, unbelievably terrible acting and dialogue, the appalling montages, the part where they're suddenly floating above the trees because they're so happy or something ... it's quite probably the most offensive thing I've ever seen in my life.

We were transfixed. And then, in the last third or so of the movie, it kind of went ... not bad. I can't explain it, but somehow even though the plot is still idiotic, the acting gets quite convincing and ... we sort of got hooked into it. It was even kinda involving. Then, of course, there's a dreadful ending which out-Rileys Riley and is immensely frustrating and annoying again, so it doesn't even leave you with a better impression.

I truly don't understand what everyone involved was thinking. Weirdest movie ever.

Out-Rileys Riley?

I didn't see the new one, but in fairness I think a lot of what's repulsive about it (i.e., the sexism, the plot, the relationship between the two) is drawn directly from the original movie.

Helicopter. Running. 'They never knew' etc.

I guess so, but there is also some genuinely repulsive acting too!

I've always liked Pete Postlethwaite (and enjoyed seeing him at the Make Poverty History march last year) but honestly, he should be ashamed of himself for this dreadful attempt to use something that presumably was a personal grief to publicise some shitey film remake. Tsk tsk!

(couldn't resist putting this in this topic, for obvious reasons)

I have not seen this movie; in fact, I don't even know what it's called. But the commercials for the "Worst Terrorist Breach in U.S. History" movie with Laura Linney and the President from the 1st season of 24 have me in major giggles, every time Ryan Philippe says "What if he's smarter than me?" I can't help it. The idea that an intellect wearing Philippe's pout is our main defense against terrorism strikes me as abusing the suspension of disbelief.

Heh. Maybe the line ought to have been "what if he's prettier than me"? You can see the tag line: "Terrorism has a new face... and it's fabulous!"

Alpha Dogs is looking like a movie I would hate.

Spice World voted worst movie of all time. Now, I really disagree with this: for one thing, Richard E Grant is hysterical in it. For another, there are much worse cash-in pop group movies - the Village People's, for instance, or S Club 7's. Or Glitter, which is only 17th.

Also there are much worse movies in general.

Oh, come on. Glitter was ten times worse than Spice World. At least Spice World didn't take itself seriously. I didn't hate SW, actually. It was a silly movie but not unwatchable.

Spice World was pretty awful and I was forced to watch it. It did have Mark McKinney, which is some consolation.

Still, for my money there's never been a worse movie made than Red Dawn. Hmm, maybe Barfly.

The worst movie I ever saw was The Avengers. Totally cured me of my habit of watching any movie a favorite actor is in.

SNeaker, I can only imagine that's your least favorite movie because you haven't seen Fire With Fire or Alan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold.

No. No, I have not.

Picking a movie like Spice World as the worst of all time is just lazy, in my book. These things are always relative to the intention of the makers, I think. No one going into Spice World was setting out to make a movie of high quality and critical acclaim, I don't think. It was basically a long commercial for a fad band. A really bad movie is boring and pretentious. I can't say what the worst ever was, but City of Angels sticks out in my mind. Truly, mind-numbingly awful, that was. And you just know everyone involved thought they were making Serious Art. Or at least Serious Artful Pathos.

Do you think? Or do you think they just thought they were ripping off Serious Art, which the original was?

And in the words of Spice World itself,

My fella had me worried that I was maybe a movie snob, so I Tivoed Bruce Almighty. I am trying to remember the last comedy that succeeded in making me laugh not once. No times. Zip. I've seen some bad movies, but even they're usually amusingly awful. This was barely even a comedy. I don't know what it was.

Lest you think that I just hate Jim Carrey, I don't. I like him or dislike him based on his performance (not feeling so tender right now). But, for instance, I found Liar, Liar really funny (mostly because of Cary Elwes's attempt at "The Claw".)

I liked Bruce Almighty. But if you're out to prove you can appreciate low comedy, may I suggest Rat Race? Or The 40-Year-Old Virgin?