BJC
Feb 28 2003, 12:06 AM
Once again, I broke a topic.
QUOTE
What's your new name???
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. Here is your Thursday dose…Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name
3. Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name
letter of alphabet =1, 2, 3
a = poopsie, apple, head
b = lumpy, toilet, mouth
c = buttercup, giggle, face
d = gidget, burger, nose
e = crusty, girdle, tush
f = greasy, barf, breath
g = fluffy, lizard, pants
h = cheeseball, waffle, shorts
i = chim-chim, cootie, lips
j = stinky, monkey, honker
k = flunky, potty, butt
l = boobie, liver, brain
m = pinky, banana, tushie
n = zippy, rhino, chunks
o = goober, bubble, hiney
p = doofus, hamster, biscuits
q = slimy, toad, toes
r = loopy, gizzard, buns
s = snotty, pizza, fanny
t = tulefel, gerbil, sniffer
u = dorkey, chicken, sprinkles
v = squeezit, pickle, kisser
w = oprah, chuckle, squirt !
x = skipper, tofu, humperdinck
y = dinky, gorilla, brains
z = zsa-zsa, stinker, juice
So far we have Ms. Goober Bubble-Butt (me), Ms. Loopy Applebutt (mj), Miss Boobie Chicken-Face (hc), Miss Poopsie BurgerChunks (Joasia).
I like my Dad's name - Squeezit BubbleButt.
Heatherbelle
Feb 28 2003, 04:09 AM
Miss Poopsy Monkey-Brain here.
Not. One. Word.
ejg25
Feb 28 2003, 12:38 PM
Veda, could we get an apostrophe (and a capital "S") in the topic title? Sorry... that's going to drive me nuts otherwise.
Nalian
Feb 28 2003, 05:00 PM
Buttercup Goober-Tush. Well I never!
leeb
Feb 28 2003, 05:33 PM
Pasting this over from the defunked topic....
Pleased to meet you, I'm Snotty Gizzard-Nose. Eeeeeew.
Ambrose's Auntie
Feb 28 2003, 07:42 PM
Zippy Wafflelips, at your service.
libbylou
Mar 1 2003, 04:46 AM
Hi, I'd like to introduce myself: I'm Lumpy Girdle-Chunks.
Meowcat
Mar 2 2003, 06:05 PM
BWAH
I'm Ms Tulefel Gizzard Face
or if I have to work with the first name I don't use
Ms Chim-Chim Gizzard Face
ejg25
Mar 4 2003, 06:58 PM
Parodies of the government's moronic Ready.gov site are all over the Web today.
This is the one that's threatening my sanity.
Hee!!
I like this one the best:
QUOTE
Time travel is an excellent option after a terrorist attack. Remember, you must reach exactly 88 mph and hit the dangling power line in order for the flux capacitor to operate properly.
Obviously doesn't work as well without the picture next to it.
ejg25
Mar 4 2003, 07:34 PM
That one was my favorite, too.
scully
Mar 4 2003, 10:09 PM
Bwah!!
QUOTE
Although your family members may lose their face in the initial blast, be strong--little Bobby is counting on you for another pair of Capris.
Close doors with care or you'll suffer the same fate as this arrow.
Follow your penis to the nearest 3-story 10' high building.
Also, I didn't get the last one until Furie reminded me what state it was. Then I snorted like the classy lady that I am.
mjforty
Mar 5 2003, 03:21 AM
My favorite?
Land shark!
Hee! That joke never gets old.
TWoP is doing a parody of that website right now. Obviously, it's television related but some of the entries are hysterical.
Oh that TWOP pixel challenge stuff is funny. Especially the Spike one.
I often forget about the pixel challenge.
I see they have started a
"caption challenge" using a picture of Giles & Willow from Lessons. Funnnny stuff.
ejg25
Mar 5 2003, 05:42 PM
Another Ready.gov parody, discovered through a friend's livejournal. Some of the entries are the same, but those others, boy...
mjforty
Mar 5 2003, 10:33 PM
You know, I can't help but be grateful for the creation of ready.gov. Finally, my tax dollars going for something that has brought tears to my eyes in a good way.
libbylou
Mar 6 2003, 12:45 AM
Woohoo! I got the job! I got the job!
Go me.
Hey Congratulations Libby!!!
(But I think we are in the wrong topic. Not unless you getting a new job is supposed to be funny.)
Joasia
Mar 6 2003, 01:00 AM
Woohooo Lib! all the wishing helped! Yay! Yay! I'm stuck on the yay and can't get off it. Major congrats to you...funny how things work out. That last biit was my attempt to be even a little on topic. Lame, I know.
Piranha
Mar 6 2003, 01:22 AM
YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
I've been speaking with a barely coherent libbylou who has asked me to express to the Fugee community her heartfelt thanks for all the good vibes that we sent her way during the interview. She is sure it helped.
She also said "Go Me" rather a lot.
Ambrose's Auntie
Mar 6 2003, 05:28 PM
Also spoke with a marginally more coherent libbylou. Congratulations - you are, indeed, da man.
libbylou
Mar 6 2003, 05:33 PM
Thank you, thank you. I wondered where on the board I had posted my news. Oops.
Remember. Coherency. A good thing.
Seriously though, my worklife has been extremely bad and I have been under enormous stress. And have been, crying at work etc. But now: Phewwwwww.
And believe me, my lack of coherency is extremely funny. I babble.
Hang on. I do that anyway. Thanks for the wishes guys. I appreciate it. So much. Now am off to Good Things thread.
scully
Mar 11 2003, 04:57 PM
Wheeage to libbylou's good news posted here recently.
So this is what's cracked my shit up today. My former co-worker from my last place of employment has emailed
this to 'staff'.
Aww, yeaaah. Anxious to know what kind of reaction it garnered from management..
libbylou
Mar 11 2003, 05:12 PM
I love that website. Particularly this
Defeat for some reason.
Really, for a good laugh. Check this out.
BJC
Mar 25 2003, 07:11 AM
I don't have a link for my Funny thing, but I just wanted to say, if you are a Robin Williams fan, you have to get either the DVD or CD of his HBO performance from New York last year.
Absolutely f**kin hysterical stuff. There are a couple of extras on the DVD which had me LMAO, they did a montage of all the "noises" he made and then a montage of all the swear words he muttered during the performance (of which there were hundreds). Two minutes of hearing Robin say f**k is very funny stuff.
Well, I thought it was funny stuff anyway. :-)
Boliver
Mar 25 2003, 11:42 AM
It was very funny. The parts that I found particularly funny seemed funny the first time I heard them, when Eddie Izzard made the same jokes a few years earlier.
I watched Robin Williams' thing on HBO last year, and found it really entertaining. Then, "Dress to Kill" came out and I bought it and watched that multiple times, and saw Williams' thing again, and noticed some suspiciously similar topics and jokes. But, I guess, if you're gonna crib, crib from the best. The rest of Robin Williams' stuff was so funny that it made up for it. What I'm hoping is that Williams was inspired by Izzard, and was pushed to follow along some of the same topics that comics don't usually use in their stand-ups.
It feels like I grew up on Williams' stand up, so I'll take what I can get, even if it's the same "pants so tight you can tell their religion" joke.
BJC
Mar 29 2003, 07:34 AM
These were actually sent to me in an e-mail from Heatherbelle, but I thought they warranted sharing with the entire Fugee community.
And leeb, I hope you are taking notes here....
QUOTE
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian
Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me
a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Australia in 1966 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
leeb
Mar 29 2003, 08:37 AM
Heh. I've already forwarded that email onto everyone I know.
I particularly liked...
QUOTE
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
and
QUOTE
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
scully
Mar 29 2003, 06:18 PM
Bwah!!
Replace the animals mentioned with 'polar bear', 'beaver' and 'moose' and references to extreme heat with references to extreme cold and (for the most part) you'll have the Q&A on a standard Canadian Tourism site.
('Cept for the hippos, natch.)
Heatherbelle
Apr 9 2003, 04:29 PM
My dad sent me this snippet of information from one of the Medical mailing lists he's on and I thought it was worth sharing:
QUOTE
Laughter “could reduce pain”
Psychologists in Scotland say comedy could act as a painkiller, after they found that people listening to Billy Connolly show pain tolerance up to three times the normal level. Researchers at Glasgow Caledonian University have just completed a three-year study into alternatives to anaesthetics. Dr Raymond MacDonald says, “Our study has led us to believe that listening to Connolly could aid post-operative recovery. We would like some clinical trials now to be held in hospitals to research this further.”
(Ananova 08/04/03)
© HMG Worldwide 2003
http://www.health-news.co.uk/Although, Dad did raise the point that laughter might not help, if the surgery had been carried out on the chest area...
scully
Apr 9 2003, 05:44 PM
Hee.
More for the 'spam that amuses me' file:
Subject: Satisfy your woman, pinprick.
Pandrea
Apr 9 2003, 06:10 PM
OW.
Nalian
Apr 9 2003, 06:57 PM
Haha, thats awesome.
ejg25
Apr 9 2003, 09:45 PM
I think a while back I promised to keep a list of the oddly evocative names I've been getting spam from, and I know you all have been waiting with baited breath. Also, they just keep coming, and I'm afraid if I don't stop now I won't stop. So...
Penrose Bronstad, Eisermann Eakes, Ondo Coty, Sonia Vierling, Mahalia Petersheim, Shadfar Walega, Elma Wynn, Mccully Sampselle, Fabian Odom, Zaccaro Janeen, Pagan Lazenby, Cusworth Kaumo, Riddle Heuwinkle, Stancer Emberlin, Reller Eggers, Insogna Rumore, Dunnell Banghart
What do you guys make of that? Do any of them have any significance to you? I keep thinking that they must be cribbed from books (possibly romance novels?), because how could such poetic names come from the brains who fill my inbox with "Want a bigger cock?"
"Insogna Rumore," for instance, means either "noise heard in a dream" or "the sound of dreaming."
Pandrea
Apr 10 2003, 05:41 AM
I dunno, I think Insogna Rumore is a brand of Italian leather handbags. Pagan Lazenby has to be the name of a bonkbuster heroine. Cusworth Kaumo is the comedy sidekick from a 50s movie. Elma Wynn is the matriarch in a John Steinbeck novel. Penrose Bronstad must be a hapless businessman from a New Yorker cartoon. Mahalia Petersheim is a large opera singer. And Reller Eggers is Dave's idiot country cousin.
They are fantastic.
ejg25
Apr 10 2003, 11:36 AM
Wait... on which one of those are you pulling my leg?
jenelope
Apr 10 2003, 12:06 PM
Hey, I think Mahalia Petersheim sent me spam, too! I've also recently gotten spam from Elkan Tirzah, Melissan Truda, Maisey Reuning, Zelig Liseli, Rodolfo Luna, and Wilma Esparza. I'm occasionally tempted to open them because of interesting names. I guess that's the point.
Nalian
Apr 10 2003, 02:32 PM
I know its not polite to make fun of people's accents, but sometimes its really hard. I'm talking to a woman right now who has a very thick southern drawl, and she doesn't have folders, she has fowdow's. And she hasn't seen this happen be-fou-ah. Its actually very hard to understand her, but also very amusing because it reminds me of
this wav. She sounds *exactly* like a female version of the distressed guy.
Thats an oldie but goldie wav file.
ejg25
Apr 10 2003, 03:09 PM
Well, if even if it's not polite, the company is large. I've been noticing lately how much David Boreanaz and Marc Blucas have trouble with "l"s... as in, they don't pronounce them, particularly on the ends of words. Also "Wofram & Hart." Is this a Pennsylvania thing?
My current most amusing accent is the Canadian one... as exemplified by scully's Furie.
Pandrea
Apr 10 2003, 04:17 PM
QUOTE
Wait... on which one of those are you pulling my leg?
Which
one?
Oh, I forgot. Fabian Odom is a male model from Sweden.
Nalian
Apr 10 2003, 04:59 PM
QUOTE (ejg25 @ Apr 10 2003, 04:09 PM)
My current most amusing accent is the Canadian one... as exemplified by scully's Furie.
That's either a cute or thoroughly annoying accent. Its not necessarily the accent, but the tendency to end every sentence on a very high note, making everything sound like its a question. Thats
really irritating when you're trying to discern a problem on the phone.
"I have this cd? And I'm trying to install it? And I'm getting this error?.."
Drives me up the wall.
And to tie in with sweden, there's a new virus out
here that attacks people in sweden with a long diatribe against the swedish school system.
ejg25
Apr 10 2003, 05:30 PM
QUOTE (Nalian @ Apr 10 2003, 02:59 PM)
"I have this cd? And I'm trying to install it? And I'm getting this error?.."
Hee. That's the one. Though don't Californians and Valley Girls do that too?
Your explanations were just that convincing, Pandrea. It took me a while.
Nalian
Apr 10 2003, 05:40 PM
QUOTE (ejg25 @ Apr 10 2003, 06:30 PM)
Hee. That's the one. Though don't Californians and Valley Girls do that too?
Valley Girls yes, but its different and I can't explain it through text. I shall have to imitate it upon our next meeting. And usually [STEREOTYPE WARNING] valley girls aren't calling up for technical support on coporate network software [/STEREOTYPE WARNING].
I'm tired enough that I just tried, yet again, to point at something in the room with my mouse. I am a dorq.
scully
Apr 10 2003, 07:11 PM
Bwah!
And eej? You should hear Furie's brother. Now there's some truly, dyed-in-the-wool, Canadian inflection.
I dunno. Maybe it's because I live with the guy, but I truly don't think Furie has much of a Canadian accent. And unlike many Canadians, I don't see any shame in admitting to the existence of such a thing. I mean, after all, every region in the world has one. And Canada and the U.S. being such big countries, I don't see why the situation would be any different within.
Thing is, I tend to notice the 'classic' Canadian inflection more in the farming communities, or provinces with a lot of farming communities. And, of course, it varies from region to region. Considering how strong the Irish and Scottish roots are in the East, I find that the Maritime accents do, indeed, sound like evolutions of said regions' manner of speaking. I've always attributed that upward, questioning lilt you mention to the Irish. For what it's worth.
ejg25
Apr 10 2003, 08:03 PM
Hmm, that's interesting, linguistically speaking. Could be. We Americans don't lilt for shit.
There are definitely a lot of Canadian regional accents, although I can only identify two: yours, which was horribly pilloried in that movie with Matthew Perry trapped in French Canada, and the Alberta-type one, which I guess is a more distinctive version of the stereotypical Canadian accent.
scully
Apr 10 2003, 08:43 PM
Dude. The French-Canadian accent is always pilloried. (A particularly painful episode of Malcolm In The Middle comes to mind.)
At any rate, that doesn't concern me directly, seeing as I'm not French-Canadian. Heh.
Ginni
Apr 11 2003, 03:33 AM
*cough*
cuz Belgian-Canadian is that much better, right?
*cough*
Mirren
Apr 11 2003, 04:25 AM
I'm terrible at identifying Canadian accents, apart from the stereotyped "aboot" and "eh?". If I'm unsure, I'll usually guess someone's Canadian - because if they are Canadian, they'll be delighted, and if they're American they won't mind.
Same with New Zealanders and Australians.
BJC
Apr 11 2003, 07:44 AM
QUOTE
Same with New Zealanders and Australians.
Easy, just get the person to say "Fish and Chips". That'll do it every single time.
Pandrea
Apr 11 2003, 07:44 AM
Because ... ?
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please
click here.